Liberating Humor
collected by Donald Burger, Attorney at Law

Governments are from:
Men are from Mars.
Women are from Venus.
Governments are from Uranus.

L. Neil Smith
The American Zone, 2001

Two Cows:
Needful definitions:
Socialism: You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to your neighbors.
Communism: You have two cows. The government takes both and makes you stand in line for milk.
Fascism: You have two cows. You get to keep the cows, but the government takes the milk and sells it back to you.
Nazism: You have two cows. The government takes both and sends you to a "labor" camp.
Libertarianism: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.


Needful definition:
Democracy: Where two wolves and a sheep vote on what's for dinner.

Fair Play
"I owe the government $3,400 in taxes. So I sent them two hammers and a toilet seat."

Michael McShane

Credit Where Credit is Due:
During my service in the United States Congress, I took the initiative in creating the Internet.

Al Gore
Interview with CNN's Wolf Blitzer, March 9, 1999

Deep Enough?
Why should politicians be buried at least 100 feet deep?
Because, deep down, they're really good people.


Bumper Sticker:
Guns don't kill people.
Books kill people.

Source unknown

Just Desserts:
A man died and went to Hell. When he got there he saw one sign that said "Capitalist Hell" and another that said "Socialist Hell."
In front of the Socialist Hell was an incredibly long line, while there was no one in front of the Capitalist Hell.
So the man asked the guard, "What do they do to you in Socialist Hell?"
"They boil you in oil, whip you and then put you on the rack," the guard replied.
And what do they do to you in Capitalist Hell?"
"The same exact thing," the guard answered.
"Then why is everybody in line for Socialist Hell?"
"Because in Socialist Hell, they're always out of oil, whips and racks."

Author Unknown
Quoted in Libertarian Party News, January 2003

Did you ever notice
that when a politician
does get an idea
he usually gets it
all wrong.
Don Marquis
Archy's Life of Mehitabel, 1933

Politicians are the same all over.
They promise to build a bridge
even where there is no river.
Nikita Khrushchev
Comments to press, October, 1960

Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Lilac who?
Lie like a politician
and you might get elected.
Garrison Keillor, Prairie Home Companion, 2011


Knock, knock.
Who's there?
KGB who?
We will ask the questions.
Jon Racherbaumer, "On the Slant," Genii, July, 2014



Everything not prohibited
is mandatory.

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